When my father passed away, may Allah have mercy on his soul, the first thing that popped into my mind was, how do I get the patience to get through this?
It’s not easy and that is the reason Allah (SWT) raises the ranks of the ones who are patient. However, Allah did also say that He is with the patient. And surely will uncover strength that was hidden deep within their hearts.
So are there certain things we can do to facilitate patience into the calamity?
Yes, just like Allah (SWT) put you in a trial, He gives you the tools to push through it.
I know your heart is broken and you can barely do anything but don’t stop praying. You find yourself crying your heart out in each sujood. That’s okay, you need this. Make Dua while crying and beg Allah to mend the cracked pieces of your heart.
Make dua ( LOTS of it)
Dua along with Salah is a miraculous means to wipe away your unbearable sadness. Close your eyes and visualize your pain melting away with each Dua. Remember you are talking to Allah who controls all your affairs and can overturn your heart as He wills.
Ask Him to strengthen your heart just like he did to the mother of Prophet Moussa (PBUH) when she was giving away her son to the river.
The Dua of hardships
Also, something we often tend to forget is making the Dua that Umm Salamah recited when she lost her husband Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with them both).
Reciting this Dua is wonderful on so many levels. First you are practicing patience as soon as the calamity hits and Allah (SWT) will replace your sorrow with something that will please you inshAllah.
وعنها قالت: سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول:”ما من عبد تصيبه مصيبه، فيقول إن لله وإنا إليه راجعون: اللهم آجرني في مصيبتي، واخلف لي خيرا منها، إلا آجره الله تعالي في مصيبته واخلف له خيراً منها. قالت: فلما توفي أبو سلمة، قلت كما أمرني رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ، فاخلف الله خيراص منه رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم “ ((رواه مسلم)).
Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported:I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, “When a person suffers from a calamity and utters: (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it), then Allah surely compensates him with reward and better substitute.” Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said: When Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with him) died, I repeated the same supplication as the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had commanded me (to do). So Allah bestowed upon me a better substitute than him (I was married to Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)).
Reflect on the stories of patience in the Quran
Usually, shared experiences remind us we are not alone and that provides great comfort.
Therefore, the multiple stories of the prophets and other righteous people are not there for entertainment. Each story engraves a lesson in our hearts to face life’s challenges with the right mindsets.
They are there to remind us of times when things were unbearable for them (PBUT), and yet they overcame each hurdle with sturdy hearts filled with Iman Subhanallah.
Let us learn from them and their steadfastness.
Cry and talk about your feelings
Talk to someone you trust. Let your feelings out so you allow the healing process to take place. Please do not stop your tears because they literally release your intense sadness.
Studies show that tears detoxify the body, release the accumulated negative emotions, and elevate one’s mood. No wonder we feel much better after bawling our eyes out!
Know that with hardship comes ease. That’s not my promise it’s Allah’s! Have positive expectations and thoughts of Allah and be patient with an optimistic approach that this trial shall pass.
Have a support system
Avoid being by yourself, surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you. When you are alone your thoughts start to cram into your mind overwhelming you with even more sadness.
Having the right people around you will take your mind off of things even for a little bit. Plus as I mentioned previously, you can share your feelings and be reciprocated with validation of your emotions which helps a lot.
You will learn something that most probably is going to help you in your life and ultimately make you more resilient.
Your priorities will change and you might even discover things in yourself you didn’t know existed.
Losing my father made me regret not telling him I love him every single day. Basically, talking to him about my feelings in general.
In retrospect, I take every chance to let the people I care about know how I feel. Regarding my father, I can still send him my Duas daily as a way to tell him I love and miss him.
Leave your thoughts in the comments!
What do you do when faced with a hardship?